CASSIE EILEEN FREET

SATURDAY, APRIL 22, 2006

AT THE TENDER AGE OF 21, MY DAUGHTER CASSIE, WAS KILLED IN AN ATV ACCIDENT. IT WAS AND IS, THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!! SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO COME OVER AND SPEND THE DAY WITH ME, WATCHING MOVIES THAT I HAD RENTED, BUT SHE WENT TO SPEND TIME WITH HER BROTHER, JOHN & B/F TRINITY & THEIR FRIEND KEITH. THEY WERE HAVING A COOKOUT, LISTENING TO MUSIC, AND ENJOYING THE BEAUTIFUL DAY. SOMETIME LATER, I CALLED CASSIE TO SEE IF SHE WAS GOING TO COME OVER AND WATCH CHRONICLES OF NARNIA WITH ME & SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHEN SHE WOULD BE OVER, BUT TO GO AHEAD AND START WATCHING IT & THAT SHE WOULD CALL ME LATER. BUT THAT CALL NEVER CAME. IT WAS THE LAST TIME I SPOKE TO HER.

WHEN MY PHONE RANG AGAIN, I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT TIME IT WAS, THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END WAS MY SON, JOHN. SOMETHING WAS WRONG, I COULD FEEL IT!! HE TOLD ME THAT CASSIE WAS HURT & THAT THE AMBULANCE PEOPLE WERE WORKING ON HER. JOHN DIDN'T KNKOW WHAT HAPPENED, CAUSE HE HAD LEFT EARLIER & WENT HOME TO GET SOME SLEEP BEFORE GOING BACK ON THE ROAD. HE SAID THAT TRINITY CALLED HIM & TOLD HIM THAT CASSIE WAS HURT & THAT THEY CALLED FOR AN AMBULANCE. JOHN DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED & HE WAS TRYING TO GET THE DETAILS FROM TRINITY & KEITH & THE OTHER KIDS THAT WERE THERE.

HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED:

CASSIE, TRINITY & KEITH WERE THE ONLY ONES OUTSIDE; EVERYONE ELSE WAS INSIDE. TRINITY & KEITH WERE RIDING THE ATV'S ON KEITH'S PROPERTY. KEITH, TRINITY & JOHN HAD MADE A DIRT TRACK ON KEITH'S PROPERTY. THEY HAD ALSO MADE SOME DIRT RAMPS TO GO OVER, TO MAKE THE TRACK MORE FUN. CASSIE HAD BEEN ON THE SIDE LINES JUST WATCHING THE GUYS HAVE FUN, GOING AROUND THE TRACK & JUMPING THE RAMPS. I DON'T KNOW IF CASSIE WAS INTERESTED IN RIDING THE ATV, BUT IT WOULD BE HER 1 & ONLY TIME. TRINITY SHOWED CASSIE THE ATV & HOW IT WORKED. HE SHOWED HER THE GAS, BRAKES, & EVERYTHING ELSE. HE SAID THAT HE MADE SURE THAT CASSIE UNDERSTOOD HOW THE ATV WORKED. BUT THE ATV BELONG TO HER BROTHER JOHN, AND IT WAS TOO BIG FOR SUCH A SMALL WOMAN!! SHE WAS ONLY 98LBS!!!! TRINITY LET CASSIE RIDE THE ATV WITHOUT HIM. TRINITY IS TWICE HER SIZE!! HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE ATV WITH HER!! ESPECIALLY HER FIRST TIME!! BUT HE DIDN'T GET ON THE ATV WITH HER!! SHE TOOK OFF. SHE WAS GOING AROUND THE TRACK, HIT THE DIRT RAMP, WENT UP IN THE AIR; THE ATV FLIPPED HER OFF! JUST LIKE IF YOU WOULD BE RIDING YOUR BICYCLE ON THE SIDEWALK, HITTING A RUT, AND FLIPPING OVER THE HANDLE BARS AND LANDING ON YOUR ASS!!

CASSIE WENT UP IN THE AIR, GOT THROWN OFF, LANDED ON HER BACK, THE ATV CAME DOWN, AND BOUNCED OFF HER HEAD & CONTINUED ROLLING ANOTHER 50 OR SO FEET!! THE ATV HAD CRUSHED HER HEAD!! SHE HAD NO CHANCE TO SURVIVAL!! THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, POLICE, EVERYONE, WAS THERE TO TRY TO HELP CASSIE. KEITH CALLED 9-1-1, TRINITY CALLED JOHN; JOHN CALLED ME! JOHN LIVED ONLY A FEW BLOCKS FROM ME & HE DIDN'T EVEN STOP OR CALL ME AFTER TRINITY CALLED HIM TO TELL ME THAT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO CASSIE!! I WAS AND STILL NOT HAPPY THAT AT ALL!!!! JOHN TOLD ME THAT THE AMBULANCE WOULD BE TAKING HER TO ALLEN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL & I TOLD HIM THAT I WOULD MEET THEM ALL THERE! I GOT DRESSED & DROVE TO THE HOSPITAL! NO ONE WAS THERE WHEN I GOT THERE. IT SEEMED LIKE IT TOOK FOREVER FOR THEM TO GET THERE. LEWIS (MY B/F @ THE TIME) AND I STOOD OUTSIDE THE AMBULANCE BAY WAITING & WATCHING FOR THE AMBULANCE TO GET THERE WITH MY DAUGHTER!! I KEPT CALLING JOHN, ASKING THEM WHERE THEY WERE & HOW FAST THEY WERE GOING. THEN I SAW THEM; IT SEEMED LIKE THEY WERE DRIVING SLOW! THE AMBULANCE PULLED UP TO THE ENTRANCE & AS THEY WERE GETTING READY TO OPEN THE AMBULANCE DOORS, I WAS RIGHT THERE! THEN I SAW HER! TUBES ALL OVER HER! SOMEONE DOING CPR ON HER, ALL OF THEM TALKING AT ONCE. I REACHED FOR CASSIE; TO TOUCH HER, BUT SOMEONE GRABBED ME FROM BEHIND!! I WALKED IN WITH CASSIE & EVERYONE ELSE, CRYING & SCREAMING HER NAME! I WANTED TO GO WITH HER!! TO HELP HER!! TO BE BESIDE HER!! BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, 4 FEMALE NURSES GRABBED ME!! THEY FOUGHT WITH ME, AS I FOUGHT TO GO WITH CASSIE! THE NURSES PULLED ME DOWN THE HALLWAY & TOOK ME TO A 'FAMILY ROOM'. I WAS CRYING UNCONTROLLABLY; SHAKING UNCONTROLLABLY; MY MIND GOING ALL OVER THE PLACE, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS HAD HAPPENED TO MY DAUGHTER. JOHN, TRINITY, KEITH, ALL FINALLY CAME INTO THE 'FAMILY ROOM'; I ASKED THEM WHAT HAD HAPPENED! TRINITY HAD BLOOD ON HIS SHIRT; CASSIE'S BLOOD. KEITH LOOKED GREEN. JOHN, ALL COMPOSED. I WENT TO TRINITY, HUGGED HIM, ASKING HIM WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!! I HUGGED HIM SOME MORE; BEAT ON HIS CHEST; YELLED AT HIM!! I DIDN'T GET ANY ANSWERS. EVERYONE WAS IN SHOCK! I WAS IN SHOCK!! I SAT DOWN, LEWIS BESIDE ME; THE HOSPITAL PRIEST CAME IN & SHE WAS NO HELP AT ALL!! I SOMEHOW CAME TO MY SENSES & BORROWED SOMEONE'S CELL PHONE & MADE A FEW CALLS. I CALLED MY DAD; TOLD HIM THAT I WANTED TO SPEAK TO BECKY, HIS X-WIFE @ THE TIME & TOLD HER TO GET DAD IN THE CAR & TO BRING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL & NOT TELL HIM ANYTHING. HE HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF THE HOSPITAL A FEW DAYS BEFORE FROM SUFFERING A MINOR STROKE & THAT I DIDN'T WANT HIM GETTING ANY WORSE. WHEN I SAW HIM, I MADE HIM SIT IN A WHEEL CHAIR & ASKED THE NURSES TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM & TO TAKE HIS VITALS; I DIDN'T NEED HIM TO HAVE A BIG STROKE & DIE ON ME ALSO. SO, THEY DID. I ALSO TRIED TO GET A HOLD OF MY X-HUSBAND, GEORGE, TO LET HIM KNOW WHAT HAD HAPPENED. HE ALSO HAD OUR SON, GEORGE, FOR HIS VISITATION WEEKEND. BUT I COULDN'T GET A HOLD OF HIM. EVERY NUMBER I HAD WAS EITHER WRONG OR DISCONNECTED!!! SO I CALLED MY X-INLAWS & TOLD THEM WHAT HAD HAPPENED & THAT I WAS TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF GEORGE; I ASKED LUCY (MY X-MOTHER-IN-LAW) TO GET A HOLD OF GEORGE & TO NOT TELL OUR SON WHAT HAD HAPPENED MY DAUGHTER. I WANTED TO TELL MY LITTLE BOY!! SHE KEPT HER WORD, AND I WILL ALWAYS BE GREATFUL TO LUCY FOR DOING THIS ONE THING FOR ME.

NEXT THING I KNEW, A DOCTOR & NURSE CAME INTO THE ROOM; THE DOOR WAS CLOSED, THEY SAT DOWN. THE DOCTOR STARTED TELLING ME THINGS THAT I DON'T REMEMBER; I GOT MORE UPSET, LISTENING TO WHATEVER THE DOCTOR WAS SAYING & NOT UNDERSTANDING A DAMN THING HE WAS SAYING!! I TOLD HIM THAT I WATCH ENOUGH LIFE IN THE ER & OTHER SHOWS ON TELEVISION. ALL I WANTED TO KNOW WAS: DID YOU GET HER TO BREATH!??!?!?!? THE ONLY WORDS I HEARD WAS: NO. I'M SORRY. I LOST IT. I SCREAMED, I CRIED HARDER, I YELLED!!!!! I ASKED THE DOCTOR IF I COULD GO SEE HER NOW & HE SAID TO GIVE THEM A LITTLE BIT OF TIME, SO THEY CAN CLEAN HER UP.  

I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I SAT THERE, BUT I WAS WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY, AND THEN I WAS ASKED IF I WAS READY TO 'GO IN' AND I MUST HAVE SHOOK MY HEAD, CAUSE THE NEXT THING I KNEW, I WAS WALKING TOWARD MY DAUGHTER. TEARS STREAMING MY FACE; A BIG HOLE IN MY HEART & MIND; WONDERING WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED! WHEN THEY TOLD ME THAT THEY WERE CLEANING HER UP, I THOUGHT THERE WAS SO MUCH DAMAGE, THAT SHE WOULD BE UN-RECOGNIZABLE!! BUT SHE WASN'T!!! SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS JUST LAYING THERE SLEEPING!! THERE WERE ONLY A FEW SCRATCHES ON HER FACE, A TUBE STICKING OUT OF HER MOUTH, EYES CLOSED, LOOKING...ASLEEP. HER HAIR, BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR HAD BLOOD ON IT. A NURSE CAME OVER TO ME & HANDED ME THE NECKLACE SHE WAS WEARING, THAT THEY HAD TO TAKE IT OFF OF HER TO TAKE CARE OF HER MEDICALLY. I LEANED OVER MY DAUGHTER, BURIED MY FACE NEXT TO HERS, AND I JUST CRIED, CRIED, CRIED, CRIED...I KEPT ASKING HER TO WAKE UP!!! I ASKED HER WHY SHE WAS ON THE ATV!!! WHAT HAPPENED??? WHY DON'T YOU JUST WAKE UP CASSIE!!????? WHILE I WAS THERE, LAYING ON CASSIE'S HAIR, I HEARD A DEEP BOOMING VOICE..IT WAS MY -X-HUSBAND, GEORGE!! I STOOD UP; THE ROOM WAS FULL!!!! I TURNED AROUND & THROUGH MY ARMS AROUND HIM!!! THEN I SAW EVERYONE ELSE! I WAS WONDERING HOW IN THE HELL DID EVERYONE KNOW ALREADY??? WHY ARE THEY ALL IN HERE??? I FIGURED OUT LATER THAT JOHN WAS CALLING EVERYONE!! I WAS PISSED AT HIM!! HE COULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL LATER TO CALL EVERYONE!! BUT NO! HE DID WHAT HE WANTED TOO!!!

I ASKED GEORGE WAS WHERE OUR SON & DID HE KNOW ANYTHING; HE SAID THAT HE WAS OUTSIDE IN GRANDMA'S CAR AND NO, HE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING. I TOLD HIM THAT I WANTED TO GO OUTSIDE & SEE HIM. SO, WE WALKED OUTSIDE, AND HE TOOK ME TO LUCY'S CAR. THERE HE WAS....SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT WITH GRANDMA...HE LOOKED LIKE HE HAD BEEN SLEEPING & THAT HE WAS WAKING UP. HE LOOKED SO SWEET. I OPENED UP THE DOOR & THE MINUTE HE SAW ME, HE GRABBED ME TIGHTLY. HE SAW ME CRYING, TEARS SOAKING MY FACE, MY EYES, FULL OF SADNESS. HE ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG & WHY WAS I CRYING. I GOT A HOLD OF MYSELF, AND TRIED TO TELL HIM. I TRIED TO EXPLAIN HOW WE KILL ANTS; BUT THAT DIDN'T WORK. IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME, HOW IN THE HELL WAS THAT GOING TO MAKE SENSE TO HIM?? SO, I SAT THAT THERE & DECIDED TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH. I TOLD HIM THAT CASSIE GOT HURT REALLY BAD & THAT SHE WAS NO LONGER WITH US. SHE WAS WITH GOD NOW. SHE WAS DEAD. HE STARTED CRYING. I CRIED WITH HIM. I LOOKED AT LUCY & MOUTHED THE WORDS: THANK YOU. GEORGE TOLD ME TO GO AHEAD & KEEP OUR SON. HE WOULD GIVE UP THE REST OF HIS VISITATION WEEKEND. HE COULD TELL THAT I NEEDED OUR SON MORE THAN HE DID. THAT WAS THE NICEST JESTURE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER DONE FOR ME. I TOLD HIM THANK YOU & GAVE HIM A HUG & HE SAID HE WOULD CALL ME OR THAT I COULD CALL HIM. I TOLD HIM THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A NUMBER FOR HIM, SO HE GAVE IT TO ME, OR TO LEWIS, I DON'T REMEMBER. I PICKED UP MY SON & WE WALKED BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL & I SAT DOWN IN THE WAITING ROOM, IN FRONT OF THE TV, THINKING GEORGE WOULD WATCH IT. BUT HE DIDN'T. JOHN CAME OVER TO US. I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD GOTTEN A HOLD OF MY MOTHER. HE SAID NO, THAT HE WOULD TRY. I TOLD HIM NO, THAT I WANTED TO CALL HER & ASKED IF I COULD BORROW HIS PHONE. HE GAVE ME HIS PHONE & I TRIED TO GET A HOLD OF HER. I DIDN'T GET A HOLD OF MY MOTHER, BUT I DID GET A HOLD OF MY STEP-DAD. I TOLD HIM TO GET A HOLD OF MOM & TO TELL HER THE WORST NEWS OF MY LIFE. HE COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS TELLING HIM & NEITHER COULD I. BUT IT WAS & IS THE TRUTH. HE SAID THAT HE WOULD GET A HOLD OF MY MOTHER & THAT THEY WOULD CALL ME LATER. THEY DID CALL ME LATER & MOTHER TOLD ME THAT THEY WERE COMING & THAT THEY WOULD BE HERE THE NEXT DAY. I TRIED TO GET GEORGE TO GET INTERESTED IN THE TV, BUT HE WOULD HAVE NONE OF IT. SOMEONE TRIED TO TAKE GEORGE FOR A WALK & HE GOT PISSED & TOLD THEM THAT HE WAS STAYING WITH MOMMY!!!! HE ASKED ME IF HE COULD SEE HIS SISSY!! I WAS SHOCKED!! WHAT DO I DO?? JOHN TOLD ME NOT TO LET HIM SEE SISSY, CAUSE IT WOULD ONLY TRAUMATIZE HIM. SO I TOLD GEORGE NO. BOY!! THAT WAS THE WRONG ANSWER!!!!!! HE SCREAMED AT ME; YELLED AT ME; CRIED LOUD; AND THREW A FIT!! HE TOLD ME THAT HE WANTED TO SEE HIS SISTER & THAT HE WANTED TO SEE HER NOW!!!!! I TOLD HIM NO AGAIN, THAT IT WOULD BE TOO MUCH FOR HIM & HE SAID HE DIDN'T CARE!! THIS IS A 4 YEAR OLD BOY!!! HE LOVES HIS SISTER!! WITH HIS YELLING, SCREAMING, CRYING, MY OWN CRYING, LISTENING TO OTHER'S, I TOOK ONE LOOK AT GEORGE, GRABBED HIM, PUT HIM ON THE CHAIR & TOLD HIM TO STAND THERE!!!!! I LOOKED HIM SQUARE IN THE EYES & ASKED HIM ONE MORE TIME: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE CASSIE??? HE LOOKED AT ME SQUARE IN THE EYES AND SAID: YES!!!! I SAID OK; COME HERE! WE GRABBED EACH OTHER WITH EVERYTHING WE HAD, HE LAID HIS HEAD DOWN, AND I SAID LET'S GO!!!!! JOHN & OTHERS KEPT TELLING ME NOT TO DO IT, IT WOULD ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR HIM!! I TURNED AROUND & SAID: 'FUCK ALL OF YOU!' 'HE'S MY SON, HE WANTS TO SEE HIS SISTER, AND I'M GOING TO DO JUST THAT!!' AND WITH THAT, WE WALKED TO WHERE MY ONLY DAUGHTER WAS. BEFORE I TOOK GEORGE THROUGH THE DOORS, I ASKED HIM ONE MORE TIME IF HE WAS READY & HE SAID YES. I TOLD HIM THAT CASSIE WILL LOOK LIKE SHE IS SLEEPING, BUT THIS IS A SLEEP THAT YOU DON'T WAKE UP FROM. HE SAID OK. THE DOORS WERE PUSHED OPENED, THE CURTAIN WAS PULLED BACK, AND THERE SHE WAS. WE WALKED UP TO CASSIE. GEORGE COULD TELL I WAS TELLING HIM THE TRUTH. HE WAS CRYING. HE LOOKED AT HIS SISTER. HE SAID, SISSY, WAKE UP. I TOLD HIM THAT SISSY WON'T WAKE UP. SHE'S IN HEAVEN WITH GOD NOW. HE ASKED IF HE COULD TOUCH HER AND I SAID YES. HE GRABBED HER HAND AND SHOOK HER ARM, TRYING TO WAKE HER UP. HE DROPPED HER HAND, THERE WAS A THUD SOUND. HE ASKED IF HE COULD TOUCH HER ARM AND I SAID YES; HE TOUCHED HER ARM AND SAID THAT SHE WAS COLD. I SAID I KNOW. HE GRABBED HER ARM AGAIN; HE SHOOK HER ARM AND TOLD HER TO WAKE UP. I TOLD HIM THAT SHE WON'T WAKE UP, HONEY, SHE'S WITH GOD NOW. WITH THAT, HE PUT HER ARM DOWN, AND LAID HIS HEAD AGAINST MY CHEST; LOOKING AT HIS SISTER. HE ASKED IF HE COULD GIVE HER A KISS AND I SAID YES. HE LEANED OVER, KISSED HER ON HER CHEEK, TOLD HER THAT HE LOVES HER. THEN HE TURNED TO ME AND SAID: MOMMY, I'M READY TO GO NOW. I ASKED IF HE WAS SURE, HE SAID YES. I LOOKED AT CASSIE AGAIN, KISSED HER ON HER CHEEK, AND WALKED BACK INTO THE WAITING ROOM. JOHN WAS STILL THERE & I LOOKED AT HIM & TOLD HIM THAT HIS LITTLE BROTHER WAS JUST FINE & THAT HE IS NOT TRAUMATIZED. I DON'T HOW LONG WE SAT IN THE WAITING ROOM, BUT NEXT THING I KNEW, LEWIS WAS DRIVING US HOME. I DIDN'T EVEN PUT GEORGE IN HIS CAR SEAT. HE SAT WITH ME IN THE FRONT. IT WAS 1, 2, OR 3 AM ON SUNDAY MORNING. I DON'T REMEMBER. WE PULLED UP IN THE DRIVEWAY & I SAW A MINI-VAN PULL UP AT THE SAME TIME. I WAS WONDERING WHAT MY COUSINS RICK, KELLY & AMANDA WERE DOING AT MY PLACE SO LATE. IT WAS THEN I JUST REMEMBERED THAT THEY ALSO HAD A LITTLE GIRL, ANNIE, WHO HAD DIED @ THE AGE OF 4 OF HEART FAILURE. THEY CAME INTO THE HOUSE WITH US. THE PHONE WAS RINGING. I WAS CRYING. LOST. ALONE. SCARED. WHAT DO I DO NOW???

WRITTEN BY: EMILY BREYFOGLE

DATE: OCTOBER 7, 2008

TITLE: CASSIE: GRACE AT MY FEET; FAITH MY EYES.

THIS IS ANOTHER MEMORY THAT ONE OF CASSIE'S OTHER BEST FRIENDS HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT HER AND SENT IT TOO ME. SO I AM SHARING THIS WITH ALL WHO READS THESE MEMORIES.

ONE DAY---WHILE VISITING WITH MY ROOMMATE, JESSICA, AND WE CHATTED ALL DAY LONG. WE TALKED ABOUT OUR FAMILIES AND OUR OLD FRIENDS AND NEW FRIENDS. WE BROUGHT OUT OUR HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOKS; THEN CAME THE MEMORIES OF CASSIE.

CASSIE IS ONE OF THE BEST FRIENDS I HAVE HAD AND PROBLEY WILL EVER HAVE. SHE AND I MET AS 6TH GRADERS; LOST AND CONFUSED AT LOGAN MIDDLE SCHOOL IN WATERLOO, IOWA. CASSIE WAS TALL AND THIN, WORE HAND-ME-DOWNS, BIG GEEK GLASSES, AND HAD THE LONGEST HAIR OUT OF ANYONE IN SCHOOL! BECAUSE OF HER APPEARNANCE, SHE WAS THE OBJECT OF TWEEN RIDICULE.

FOR SOME REASON, CASSIE WAS NEVER LIKE THE REST OF US, AND WAS NOT FAZED BY HER POVERTY. MATERIAL POSSESSIONS NEVER APPEALED TO HER. INSTEAD OF WANTING TO GO OUT AND BUY THE BRANDS THAT WERE POPULAR, AT OUR SCHOOL AND ATTEMPT TO ASSIMILATE, SHE HAD NO QUALMS WITH HER THRIFT STORE THREADS. CASSIE HAD A FONDNESS FOR HER CATS, 80'S MUSIC, AND AT OUR AGE, WAS UNUSUALLY CLOSE TO HER MOM. WITH THEIR BIRTHDAYS ONLY DAYS APART, THE TWO OF THEM WERE PRACTICALLY TWINS IN THEIR THOUGHTS AND PERSONALITIES.

IF I BELIEVED IN ASTROLOGY, I COULD PUT CASSIE AND HER MOM, TANYA, PERFECTLY INTO THE CAPRICORN'S STEREOTYPE OF ORGANIZED, INTELLIGENT, FRANK HOMEBODIES. AS WE GREW INTO OUR TEEN YEARS, CASSIE WAS FIERCELY INDEPENDENT, AND WOULD BICKER WITH HER MOM ABOUT THE LEVEL OF CONTROL EXERTED. CASSIE WASN'T ONE TO GO OUT AND PARTY OVER THE WEEKEND. HONESTLY, THEY WERE MORE LIKELY TO FIGHT OVER A HAIRSTYLE THAN HOW LATE CASSIE STAYED OUT!

THE INDEPENDENCE, THE ORGANIZATION, THE EVER-LOGIC TO A FAULT, AND BLUNT NATURE THAT DEFINED CASSIE, NEVER LEFT. DURING HIGH SCHOOL, CASSIE WAS AN EVER NEUTRALIZING FORCE FOR MY NATURALLY VOLATILE, DRAMATIC, FIRECRACKER TENDENCIES. I HAD ALWAYS BEEN ANALYTICAL, TO A POINT WHERE IT DRIVES ME BONKERS!!! OR, BEING OVER THE WALKING CONTRADICTION THAT I AM, I WOULD DO SOMETHING VERY IMPULSIVELY. CASS WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE TO STOMP, CLICK HER TONGUE, AND PUT ME IN MY PLACE. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, I WAS ANGRY AT THE REBUKE. BUT, SHE WAS ALWAYS THERE, SUPPORATIVE, BUT SENSITIVELY ATTUNED, SHE KNEW HOW I TOOK OTHER'S OPINIONS OF WHO I WAS TO THE HEART. DESPITE HER ABILITY TO BE ALMOST CRUELLY HONEST, SHE WAS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, MORE GENTLE WITH ME THAN WHAT I DESERVE.

DESPITE HER NATURAL GRAVITATION TO HOME, FRIENDS, AND FAMILY, AND ORDERLY LIVING, CASSIE'S INDEPENDENT NATURE TRUMPED IT ALL. HIDDEN BENEATH THE QUIET, OBSERVANT, PRUDENT YOUNG WOMAN, WAS A BLUNT, OPINIONATED, OUTSPOKEN CAGED LION, ROARING FOR ADVENTURE. SHE COULD HIDE WHO SHE WAS FROM YOU SO WELL, THEN SHE WOULD SURPRISE YOU...OH YES, DISARMING YOU WAS HER GREATEST JOY! YOU NEVER THOUGHT THAT A STRAIGHT-A TEACHER'S PET HAD A DAREDEVIL BONE IN HER BODY, BUT HER GREAT LOVE IN LIFE, BEYOND GROOMING HER HAIR, WAS PROBLEY ANYTHING WITH A BIG ENGINE THAT WENT VROOM-VROOM. I SWEAR, THAT GIRL WAS ABLE TO GUESS THE TYPE OF MOTORCYCLE A PERSON WAS RIDING BASED ON THE SOUND. GOT A HARLEY??? SHE WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND!!! ANYTHING THAT COULD DO FLIPS, TURNS, OR GO FAST, OH MY!, SHE WAS ON IT, BOOTY LONG HAIR FLYING BEHIND HER!!! THE DESIRE FOR A THRILL WAS EVENTUALLY WHAT CAUSED HER DEMISE.

IN APRIL OF 2006, OUR BEAUTIFUL, DEFIANT, INTELLIGENT, STAR WAS RIDING HER BROTHER'S AND BOYFRIEND'S---ATV----TOOK A RAMP, THEN FLEW OFF THE ATV. THE ATV THEN LANDED ON HER SKULL. FROM MY UNDERSTANDING, IT KILLED HER INSTANTLY; TAKING A YOUNG AND VIBRANT LIFE TO ETERNITY.

I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SAW HER. CASSIE WAS OVER AT A NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE VISITING. IT WAS MY LAST SUMMER LIVING IN WATERLOO, AND I HADN'T SEEN CASSIE IN AGES!!! I RAN OVER TO SAY HELLO. SHE WAS SITTIN IN A KIDDIE POOL WEARING A MISMATCHED BIKINI, AS USUAL, NOT OVERLY WORRIED ABOUT HER CLOTHING, JUST HER HAIR!! CASSIE HAD MOVED INTO A TRAILER WITH HER BOYFRIEND, TRINITY, AND WAS WORKING FULL TIME AT A CABINET COMPANY HERE IN TOWN. CASS PROBLEY COULD HAVE GONE TO COLLEGE ON SCHOLARSHIP WITH HER GRADES, BUT SHE LOVED WHAT SHE DID! I WONDERED IF HER HOUSE LOOKED ANY DIFFERENT THAN TANYA'S...CASSIE'S STYLE HAD NOT CHANGED ONE BIT. BUT....IT WAS A BIT....MESSY. CASSIE COMPLAINED ABOUT WHAT A PIG TRINITY WAS, HOW SHE ALWAYS HAD TO CLEAN UP AFTER HIM, HOW SHE DID ALL THE WORK, HOW HE ALWAYS MOVED HER STUFF, HOW IT DROVE HER CRAZY....AS ALWAYS, CASSIE WANTED THINGS DONE HER WAY. I TOLD HER ABOUT MY PLANS TO MOVE TO DES MOINES PERMANENTLY, AND I APPLIED WITH A JOB WORKING WITH KIDS WITH AUTISM. I BET SHE WONDERED IF I HAD THE PATIENCE TO HANDLE THAT KIND OF JOB (WHICH AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, I DID). WE DISCUSSED ABOUT HER JOB, HER LIFE, HER CATS, WHO WERE THE SAME ONES SHE'D HAD SINCE WE WERE 6TH GRADER'S AT LOGAN MIDDLE SCHOOL. SHE WAS SATISIFIED WITH IT ALL.

I REMEMBER WHEN SHE DIED. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY, IN THE MIDDLE OF APRIL. I WAS AT CHURCH, HELPING WITH ONE OF OUR YOUTH GROUPS. I RECEIVED A CALL ON THE CHURCH PHONE. IT WAS MY MOTHER; SHE WAS CRYING. I STIFFENED, KNOWING INSTANTLY SOMEONE HAD PASSED AWAY. I CALMED HER DOWN, AND SHE INFORMED ME THAT CASSIE HAD DIED. I WAS STUNNED!!! IT WAS UNCOMPREHENSIBLE. AS SOON AS I WAS OFF THE PHONE, AND TOLD MY THEN BOYFRIEND, PHILIP, WHAT HAPPENED, HE THREW HIS ARMS AROUND ME, WHICH AS A STUDENT OF FBBC SEMINARY WAS BREAKING A RULE. SOMETIMES THOUGH, BREAKING A RULE BECOMES NECESSARY.

THE FUNERAL WAS ON A THURSDAY. I TOOK OFF MY BRAND-SPANKIN NEW JOB THAT DAY, AND DROVE TO MY FRIEND AMY'S HOUSE IN IOWA FALLS. WE THEN CARPOOLED TO WATERLOO. SEEING TANYA AT THE FUNERAL WAS DEVASTATING. SHE HELD ME FOR A LONG TIME, AND TOLD ME THAT CASSIE SAID I WAS ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS SHE'D EVER HAD, AND STILL WAS, NOT LONG BEFORE SHE DIED. THE THING WAS, I LOST TOUCH WITH HER. I DIDN'T FEEL WORTHY OF THAT TITLE. FRIENDS CALL ME LOYAL, BUT CASSIE'S LOYALITY TO HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY COULD PUT ME TO SHAME.

AS THE FUNERAL ENDED, TANYA CHOOSE TO PLAY THE SONG, 'HAVE A NICE DAY' BY JON BON JOVI; CASSIE'S ALL-TIME FAVORITE SINGER. HERE IS AN EXCERPT FROM HIS SONG:

            THE CHORUS:

OH, IF THERE IS ONE THING I HOLD ONTO,

THAT GETS ME THROUGH THE NIGHT,

I AIN'T GONNA DO WHAT I DON'T WANT TO,

I'M GONNA LIVE MY LIFE.

SHINNING LIKE A DIAMOND, ROLLING WITH THE DICE,

STANDING ON THE LEDGE, I'LL SHOW THE WIND HOW TO FLY,

WHEN THE WORLD GETS IN MY FACE,

I SAY:

HAVE A NICE DAY;

HAVE A NICE DAY!

YES, THIS DEFINED WHO SHE WAS. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!!! CASSIE, IN ALL HER BEAUTY, BRAINS, WISDOME, ENJOYMENT OF SIMPLICITY AND SAUCINESS, WAS NEVER AFRAID TO BE HERSELF.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM CASSIE; DON'T BE AFRAID TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. DON'T BE AFRAID TO TAKE A RISK. LET'S REMEMBER CASSIE FOR HER BEAUTY, HER VIBRANCE, WARM ACCEPTANCE OF OTHERS, AND FEARLESSNESS. LET'S STRIVE TO BE LIKE HER. I REMEMBER ALL THE YEARS SOME OF US MADE FUN OF HER, BUT I THINK, DEEP DOWN, WE ALL WANTED TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH WHAT WE WERE; AS SHE WAS WITH HERSELF. SHAME ON US FOR NOT EMBRACING HER BEAUTY SOONER.

WE ALL LOVE YOU CASSIE. THANK YOU FOR COMING INTO OUR LIVES. WE MISS YOU AND WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.

HERE IS ANOTHER PRECIOUS MEMORY FROM MICHELLE ABOUT CASSIE.

CASSIE GOT HER ADVICE SKILLS FROM HER MOM. SHE WAS ALWAYS ABLE TO TELL ME WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR....EVEN IF I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I NEEDED IT.

I REMEMBER THE TIME CASSIE WENT WITH ME SHOPPING IN CEDAR RAPIDS.....IT WAS RIGHT AFTER I HAD GONE INTO MY SOPHOMORE YEAR IN COLLEGE AND I WAS THINKING ABOUT SWITCHING MAJORS. I WAS SO STRESSED OUT ABOUT WHAT MY FAMILY WOULD THINK; WHAT I WOULD DO, AND HOW IT ALL WOULD WORK. CASSIE JUST TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED TO BE HAPPY AND THAT IF I WASN'T, THEN I COULD EITHER CHANGE IT OR STAY UNHAPPY.

IT WAS DEFINITELY SOMETHING THAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. EVERYONE ELSE WAS ASKING ME WHAT I WOULD DO WITH A HISTROY DEGREE AND HOW I WOULD GRADUATE IN TIME. CASSIE WAS CONCERNED WITH MY HAPPINESS AND WELL-BEING. NOT WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WOULD THINK IF I CHANGED MAJORS. CASSIE, TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE AND MAKING SURE THEY WERE HAPPY. BUT THAT WAS CASSIE; ALWAYS CARING.

MICHELLE LEFT ME A MESSAGE ON MYSPACE ABOUT HER FIRST MEETING WITH CASSIE. SO, THE NEXT MEMORIES ARE WRITTEN BY MICHELLE HERZBERG, ONE OF CASSIE'S BEST FRIENDS!

FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL AND I HAD JUST MOVED HERE FROM JESUP AND WAS TERRIFIED....ALL OF MY FRIENDS HAD MADE WATERLOO SOUND LIKE CRIMINALS HAD TAKEN OVER WATERLOO OR SOMETHING! WELL, I WAS STANDING BY MY LOCKER AND I DON'T KNOW IF CASSIE COULD SEE THAT I WAS NERVOUS OR NOT, BUT SHE CAME RIGHT OVER TO ME AND SAID, "HI, I'M CASSIE"; AND THEN SHE COPIED MY SCHEDULE DOWN AND MET ME BEFORE LUNCH. SHE INTRODUCED ME TO A LOT OF MY FRIENDS THAT DAY.

ONE FRIEND IN PARTICULAR, EMILY BREYFOGLE, AND I RECONNECTED AGAIN AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, AND WE'VE TALKED ABOUT CASSIE QUIET A BIT. SHE REALLY MADE AN IMPACT ON BOTH OF US.

I REMEMBER WHEN CASSIE FIRST FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER. SHE WAS SO EXCITED!!!! SHE GRINNED ALL DAY LONG AND TOLD JUST ABOUT THE WHOLE SCHOOL!! IN FACT, I THINK SHE DID TELL THE ENTIRE SCHOOL!! SHE WAS ON CLOUD NINE FOREVER AND I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD NEVER SEE HER HAPPIER! BUT THEN, GEORGE WAS BORN. ANYONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW BETTER, WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT GEORGE WAS HER CHILD AND NOT HER BROTHER!!!  CASSIE WAS SO PROUD OF HIM AND LOVED TO SHOW HIM OFF. MY FAVORITE MEMORIES ARE ALL THE TIMES SHE WOULD BRING HIM TO SCHOOL TO SHOW GEORGE OFF TO ALL OF US!!!! SHE LOVED HIM SO MUCH!!!

Cassie-

   I just want you to know I love and miss you very much and I think about you all the time!!!  I know you watching over us but I want you to know you have a nephew now, I wish you could be here to experience this with me and enjoy all the these times..  I hope one day I will see you again:)

  I love you so much!!

     Love,

       Your little sister,

             Melissa

I watched Cassie grow to a young woman. I had the rare pleasure of knowing a very very bright and happy person. Cassie always meet me with a smile and hug.

This young lady also had a big heart the she shared with so many people. I watched her carry around her new baby brother George, loving & fussing over him like she was his mom. She always impressed me with how bright she was with her math or computer questions she would ask me. Thoughts of her always bring a smile to my heart.

I miss her.

 Jeff